| | From an old entry:
"I guess you can say I'm feeling
pretty trapped. Stuck in a monocromatic picture that I know I don't
belong in. But I just don't feel completely here, half of me waiting
for the other half to wake up. It's as if the impending absence of
those who are checking out has already created a void in my heart..."
It's strange how life can be like a broken record, inflicting the misery of repeating over and over again that glitch of notes and meaning. Except in life, the unpleasantry goes beyond acoustics, because you can't turn off the machine and put in a new record. You have to deal with the negative experiences that repeat themselves, every time like it's the first time. And so here I am again, painfully aware that this is going to be a summer of goodbyes. Goodbyes for now, for a while, and dare I say it, for good? That last one is difficult to swallow. Because unlike the last time, I'm completely awake to the panic. Because unlike the last time, those heading toward the exit signs are not only moving on to new places, but also to the next stage of their lives, while yours truly remain singularly lodged in the Here, the Now, and the soon-to-be Past (for everyone else).
Thus, this fresh round of goodbyes feels particularly nasty, especially when Shelley moves out, and I'll have to find ways to fill up the new vacant spaces with my own furniture, music, and obsessions. It's times like these that I wish cats are more needy (but that's clearly wishful thinking; I'll be lucky if Mystic gives me more than three meows in one day).
Anyway, I don't really know where I'm going with this... except some sort of emo commentary on universal loneliness and all that bullshit. So I'll spare my loyal audience, which, to my knowledge, consists of no more than half a dozen people (I love you guys!). Alright, it's late. So I'm gonna leave off here and carry on with postponing my life.
Skip, skip, skippidy skip. 
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| | Posted 7/21/2006 2:27 AM - 30 Views - 6 eProps - 3 comments
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